John

This is the Rock House Center podcast and I'm John Murphy.

Beth

And I'm Beth Murphy, and we're talking today about understanding low self-worth.

It's a problem that has become more and more pervasive and talked about.

Written about a lot, particularly as it's grown with people concerned about their children and the effect of social media on their children or on themselves.

Just looking at the experiences in many ways in which.

People experience low self-worth, so we want to understand that and begin to we'll just offer an opportunity to turn that around to establish the real base.

This for worth.

John

It's a very common thing in our with our clients that there is a place at which there's uncertainty and lack of confidence and low self-worth is just very pervasive.

And it's I think it's important for us to talk a little bit about really what low self worth is and what are the origins of that and try to help people understand the dynamics around it.

Beth

So a simple sort of daily kind of way that low self worth manifests itself is just that.

It's difficult to take constructive criticism or accept a compliment or the feeling that no matter what I do, it's never enough.

A fear of failure or fear of other people disapproval that leads to things like just really can't stand the thought of public speaking or taking a risk that others might disapprove of, or even just speaking up for yourself in a relational kind of setting.

Those are all indications.

Of low self worth.

John

Yes, and if someone is trying to solve this problem on their own, there is a strategy that they're working because it's a need for the need for worth is common with all man.

We need to have a level of significance and so it's not like someone just sits there and isn't trying to do something about it.

They have some kind of strategy, intended or not, that they're working.

John

To try to solve this problem commonly has a negative effect on things like relationships and parenting and their work relationships.

John

It's not something that is isolated to an aspect of their life.

John

It's really going to be across the spectrum of the things that they're dealing with in life.

Beth

Yeah, the whole low self-worth dynamic can drive people away or drive a wedge and relationships and be divisive.

Beth

It's certainly a joy robber for justice how life feels it can low self-work can make us feel defensive and sort of living in that place of always monitoring other people for a read.

Beth

Whether it's in just our family.

John

Right?

Beth

Relationships or a presentation in a business or a ministry setting where we're looking at everybody, facial expression and trying to decide based on a raised eyebrow.

Beth

Do they like me?

Beth

Do they not like me?

Beth

Are they accepting me or are they not accepting me or?

Beth

Just feeling ignored, unworthy and my needs don't matter.

Beth

All of those things are the ways in which the undercurrents of low self-worth can manifest.

John

And the foundational reason is, is because a dependency grows on people or things in the world to try to achieve this assurance about worth.

Beth

It's a quest that is insatiable in that we're looking for something that we can't get established through that track.

John

cause it's right.

John

It's insatiable.

John

Through that track, right?

John

It's one of those things which nothing in the world is going to fill.

John

This need, which kind of gives us a precursor to understanding where the answer.

Beth

Really is, it's that worth that.

Beth

We're looking for that was created or wired into us by God to be only truly satisfied and met by God in a way that is deeply enriching and satisfying and can leave us at peace with ourselves.

John

Yeah, so when we got the option either we're going to rely on people or things in the world, or we're going to enter a trusting relationship with God, where we really trust him to love us the way he says he loves.

Beth

And so, minus that we end up with really a failed strategy where we we've tried to develop a system to essentially establish our worth sort of kind of like purchasing our worth, getting it from earning it.

Beth

Yeah, that's a better way to say just earning our worth from other people's approval or or what we think we've done.

Beth

To achieve other people’s approval and when you start thinking about that.

Beth

Honestly, in our own life, in any of our own individual lives, there are just countless ways that we've sought to do that because the everything and the culture is pressing us that direction.

Beth

In terms of, you know how we present ourselves, how we look, talk, act, behave, whatever kind of level of a facade.

Beth

We've tried to create to cover up things.

Beth

We're embarrassed or ashamed of, it's all about.

Beth

I'm trying urgently to get my sense of value and worth created by the opinion or the approval of other people.

John

Yeah, and I think the hopeless of that is really captured in the concept that you can't throw your own surprise party.

John

Because really, what's going on?

John

Is that worth is the dynamics of worth is that it's something that has to come from the outside.

John

It's not available.

John

For from our own works, we can't go put together a surprise party and have people jump out.

John

From behind the couch, on our queue and feel better about ourselves or feel that those people value.

John

Where the value comes from is when there are a bunch of people who put together party.

John

We know nothing about and we show up at home and totally unexpected.

John

All these people jump out from behind the couch.

John

Well, it's very clear to see the difference between those two things, and you know, kind of a situation where if somebody were to call you up and say they just want to come over and hang out with you and watch the game or whatever.

John

With you are just to do something simple with you, but they want to be.

John

With you, what they're doing is they're expressing value, and that feels really good when that person calls and says they want to just be with you.

John

They don't want anything from you, which is important aspect of that.

John

I just want to be with you from that we feel value well so what's that saying it means that we have to trust.

John

We have to trust it to come from somewhere else.

John

It's not something we can.

John

Work out on our own, but that doesn't mean we don't try really hard to work instead of trust.

Beth

So in a way that that concept is also demonstrated commonly here at Rockville Center is when people appear here and they've hit sort of an end place.

Beth

They've kind of come to the end of their strategy in trying to get the value in the work they're looking for, and one way that that happens is that I.

Beth

Finally it gets expressed as.

Beth

I've finally gotten the thing that I dreamed of I I got the marriage that I wanted.

Beth

I got the job, the the money, the.

Beth

Quote I got that thing.

Beth

I always felt like if I just got married or if I just had a baby or if I had the relationship with a parent or if I lost that weight.

Beth

I wanted to lose and I looked a certain way, then I'd feel good about myself so that happens and then the reality sinks in that in fact they don't feel good about themselves.

John

Yeah, and a whole lot of that has to do with how people would regard them if those things happen in their lives.

John

By the way, it's interesting if you might think that's just about acquiring a boat, but that's really.

John

It has a lot to do with what other people will think about you based on the boat you have.

Beth

Right or yes?

Beth

Or how I feel like I will experience my life based on acquiring or achieving a certain thing or having a certain kind of relationship or level of relationship and and so that is evidence that there's something much deeper at stake here.

Beth

There's much something much deeper.

Beth

That it the quest is all about.

Beth

For value and worth where this failed strategy of looking for that value and that worth from other people as opposed to being able to experience the reality of it with God, that's where it's at that when we get there, that's when we arrive with the sense of value and worth that we were wired into one.

John

So really it's working.

John

But I mean you really are working to get this one way or another to get this in your own strength, and I think that sort of sets up our concept of value currency where there is a process by which we are seeing what other people value, and we do those things and through the process of doing those things we purchased their value in US.

John

We're looking for them.

John

To value us based on something we have done and there's and.

John

It's just kind of like a currency, just a regular economic sort of scenario.

John

I will trade you my works for your value and then that gets to be a part of the relationship.

Beth

And that exists really in every human relationship where there is some level, even even the best of relationships we, without realizing it established some of that, and and certainly in those relationships that are on rocky ground and aren't very solid and aren't very meaningful.

John

Right?

Beth

Are loaded with that you know all the superficial acquaintance level relationships that we're requiring in order to kind of build our.

Beth

Our self worth treasure chest.

Beth

The failed strategy approach.

Beth

It's all based on that kind of currency, so.

John

And there's only one relationship that has any possibility of not having any value currency in it is the relationship that we have with God.

John

There's no purchasing, there's no working.

John

There's no performing.

John

There's no doing things, acquiring things which is going to make.

John

God love you and the essence of God's love for us is the foundational.

John

Statement of worth and when we are able to trust, instead of working for it here, but instead then trust him for the love that he says he has for us, and accept that and engage that that's when we're starting to get the answer.

John

But there's no value currency there.

John

There's no purchasing God, love.

John

There is no making God love you more or less.

John

God just loves you.

John

There's nothing you can do.

John

About that

Beth

Many of us would say that we know that because we intellectually know that, but what we're talking about here is with God's help arriving at a place where we can receive that and live in that which is the the difference in night and day. So I just want to drop anchor on the importance of this and I I can personally.

Beth

Speak to it.

Beth

It's the difference in feeling like you're on this treadmill that you just get kind of a hamster wheel.

Beth

Sort of a thing that you just can't get off of, and you're looking for every possible way to try to get approved of.

Beth

Try to to build the.

Beth

Treatment role try to get the the sense of value and worth from all these external things and it never working and how bad that feels.

Beth

And then by contrast, how?

Beth

Absolutely great.

Beth

It feels to essentially know that you've arrived that you're at home.

Beth

You're I'm at home with the Lord.

Beth

I know that he loves me and values me and my value isn't going up or down.

Beth

Down nobody is subtracting or adding to my value based on their opinion.

Beth

They don't have the authority to do that because they don't get a say in this.

Beth

God established my value.

Beth

He set.

Beth

He set that up.

Beth

He set my whole foundation of worth and living in that place.

Beth

That's the place where there is access.

Beth

To joy and peace and living connected with the experience of that like.

Beth

Created in Stone, absolute solid foundation of the value and worth it gods created for me.

John

Yeah, and I think also one of the aspects of our relationship with God that makes it harder is because we have things we believe that are inside of us or just are not true.

John

They're either not true about who we are.

John

They're not true about how God regards us.

John

They're not true about who God is.

John

There are scriptures that talk about how much our sense of well being comes from knowing the truth.

John

We're therefore believing lies about God are things which.

John

Rob us of our peace and take assurance away and make God someone who's we're not certain.

John

If he really loves us.

Beth

So the things that we talked about, the very first that are evidence of low self worth.

Beth

All of that comes from lies that we're believing about ourselves, just like you were just saying lies that we believe.

Beth

About ourselves or about God, the you know I'm never good enough.

Beth

My value is based on my appearance or my achievements, or I'm unworthy my needs don't matter.

Beth

Feeling rejected or unloved so.

Beth

Sometime later in later podcast we can talk about the origins of those things. But if we want to start opening the door here to come out from under that and be able to live in the foundational value and worth that God's got, then we just want to ask him to do that. We use we want to reject, renounce the lies that we've been living.

Beth

Under and then the oppressiveness that that.

Beth

Causes ask him to replace that with the truth about ourselves and the truth about him.

John

So yes, trying to resolve these things from a prayer approach is what we do here.

John

At Rockhouse, it's extremely effective.

John

Asking God to help us, we declare things that are lies.

John

We reject those we ask God to replace those lies with truth of who he how he sees this or who he is was very effective.

Beth

So I think we'll just jump in there and do that.

Beth

So how about I'll do this one.

Beth

Do this prayer today and so this is for anyone.

Beth

If this resonates with you, there'll be a few pauses in here for you to repeat this out loud.

Beth

If you're in a place where you can do it out loud, there is real power and speaking the words out loud and really connecting personally.

Beth

With God as you go through this prayer.

Beth

So Heavenly Father, I do want to live in the truth that you've established for me.

Beth

I want to live in the truth that you say about me and about you.

Beth

So I renounce all these lies that have gotten set up in my heart in my mind.

Beth

And I want to start by rejecting, renouncing the law that I'm never good enough.

Beth

That does not agree with what you say about me.

Beth

You are not disappointed in me.

Beth

And you have no such standard hanging over my head.

Beth

I renounce alive at my values based on my appearance or my achievements.

Beth

Truth is that you have established my value and my worth.

Beth

You chose me and set me apart before the foundation of the world.

Beth

You love me perfectly and completely.

Beth

And you have delighted in me since you created me.

Beth

Even before you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Beth

I believed the lie that my needs don't matter or that I am rejected or ignored or not valued.

Beth

People may reject me.

Beth

But you will never reject me.

Beth

You have promised to never leave me or forsake me.

Beth

Which means that you never have.

Beth

And you never will.

Beth

You are the one that established my value, so it's not going up and down.

Beth

And isn't based on other people's opinion of me.

Beth

Lord, I have trusted in my own strategy on my own self reliance instead of you for my value and my worth.

Beth

I ask that you would forgive me for that.

Beth

Please realign my heart in my mind.

Beth

And I give you permission to transform me by the renewing of my mind.

Beth

So that you can build my foundation of value and worth in you.

Beth

You are trustworthy to do that.

Beth

You are faithful to do that, and it's your plan and your promise from the beginning.

Beth

So I'll release myself to you.

Beth

And ask that you turn my heart around that you help me receive your perfect.

Beth

Perfect unassailable love and value that you've established in me from the beginning of time.

Beth

So I put all this in your hands, Lord, and I trust you declare you to be trustworthy and faithful, from everlasting to everlasting.

Beth

It's in Jesus name we pray Amen.

John

Man very good.

Beth

All right, well we thank you for joining us today at the Rock House Center podcast and look forward to talking to you soon.